All My Love

All My Love

A Poem for Valentine's Day

She had all of his love.

But what does this really say?

What is “all” and what is loved?

Could it be explained in any possible way? 

I love you more.

 Dearest Charity,

I love you more.

I love you more than Diet Dew.

I love you more, I really do.

I love you more than TV shows.

I love you more, I hope you knows. 

I love you more than sugar cream pie. 

I love you more, you know that I...

do love you more than free days off. 

I love you more, please don't scoff

at the corny way I love you more. 

Cause I love you more and more and more.

Human Love VS Spiritual Love

 In his chapter on "Community" in the book, "Life Together," Dietrich Bonhoeffer says the following on, what he calls "human love" vs. "spiritual love."

"... there is a human love of one's neighbor.  Such passion is capable of prodigious sacrifices. Often it far surpasses genuine Christian love in fervent devotion and visible results. It speaks the Christian language with overwhelming and stirring eloquence. But it is what Paul is speaking of when he says: 'And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned' -- in other words, though I combine the utmost deeds of love with the utmost of devotion -- 'and have not charity [that is, the love of Christ], it profiteth me nothing' (1 Corinthians 13:3). Human love is directed to the other person for his own sake, spiritual love loves him for Christ's sake. Therefore, human love seeks direct contact with the other person; it loves him not as a free person but as one whom it binds to itself. It wants to gain, to capture by every means; it uses force. It desires to be irresistible, to rule.

"Human love has little regard for truth. It makes the truth relative, since nothing, not even the truth, must come between it and the beloved person.  Human love desires the other person, his company, his answering love, but it does not serve him.  On the contrary, it continues to desire even when it seems to be serving. There are two marks, both of which are one and the same thing, that manifest the difference between spiritual and human love: Human love cannot tolerate the dissolution of a fellowship that has become false for the sake of genuine fellowship, and human love cannot love an enemy, that is, one who seriously and stubbornly resists it. Both spring from the same source: human love is by its very nature desire -- desire for human community. So long as it can satisfy this desire in some way, it will not give it up, even for the sake of truth, even for the sake of genuine love for others. But where it can no longer expect its desire to be fulfilled, there it stops short -- namely, in the face of an enemy. There it turns into hatred, contempt, and calumny. 

"Right here is the point where spiritual love begins. This is why human love becomes personal hatred when it encounters genuine spiritual love, which does not desire but serves. Human love makes itself an end in itself. It creates of itself an end, an idol which it worships, to which it must subject everything. It nurses and cultivates an ideal, it loves itself, and nothing else in the world. Spiritual love, however, comes from Jesus Christ, it serves him alone; it knows that it has no immediate access to other persons."

Dietrich Bonhoeffer (Life Together, 1923; pg 33-35)

25 Years

I am blessed.

Today marks the date of my 25th wedding anniversary. In this post, you will not see any jokes about how she stuck with me or vice versa. No comments about any drudgery in the process or how much time it actually felt like. There won't be any of that in this post. It isn't because neither one of us could or couldn't make those jokes (and laugh them off... trust me... we can laugh!), but that simply isn't what I'm thinking about. 

An Honor.

For me, I consider it a genuine honor that God has allowed me to spend my life with this person. My theology dictates my understanding of how this world works: and it is a world orchestrated by a good and sovereign God. And my God, in His Sovereign Goodness, gifted me with a life shared with this one particular person... my wife Charity.  That God would bless me in such a way, lies outside of my ability to either comprehend or explain in any reasonable terms, and over these last 25 years this life together has increasingly been experienced as a cherished honor. 

She is.

She is my best friend: the one that I share everything with. We've traveled together through work, life, family, and love. We relate every story, unfold every experience... sharing both joys and sorrows. She's my TV watching buddy, my coworker in the kitchen, my business partner and partner in crime... She's my traveling companion, my couch counter-part, and my forever date. 

After 25 years, I can barely remember life before marriage, nor do I care to. I sense genuine confusion within myself when I try to relate to people who love the single life. I just don't get it. That isn't what is good... Good is what I have with her. 

Babe.

Babe, my life with you has been amazingly profound. I wouldn't trade a minute of my life with you for anything else. Even the darkest minutes and the hardest days have simply served their ordained purpose to bring life and light to our shared weeks, months, and now - years. 

I love you.

31 years ago...

31 years ago I went on a Halloween date with a girl... Through a series of unexplained (but providential) events... things like VW Beetles with holes in the floor, Ghost Rallies, scared best friends in haunted houses, break up tapes, get-back-together tapes, love notes, giant pumpkins, long-distance phone bills that made for angry parents, burned-out clutches, worm t-shirts, over-loaded moving vans, multiple faulty alternators, hospital trips, dragging mufflers, living-accommodations in stranger's basements, rat-houses, old houses, run over dogs that survive, short nights, crying babies, long work hours, more dragging mufflers, root-clogged drain pipes, more basement living, more crying babies, long-distance moves, wing-and-a-prayer bill paying, over-flowing septic tanks, fallen trees, used cars, faulty gas tanks, leaking radiators, more bad alternators, ice storms, no air-conditioning road trips to the beach, zero-dollar paychecks, paying $6.83 to sell your own home, moving van road trips with a dog and two kids, guest-room living, bats in the attic, water in the basement, faulty wiring, old pickup trucks without brakes, dying pets, bi- and tri-vocational living, paying to sell your second home, hospital bills, bad backs, stress tests, fake pandemics, kids graduating, an old red van that won't quit working... we have, by God's grace, continued to weather every storm.

I'm convinced now, that you are my final destination each and every day. If changing one thing in the course of my life would mean that I'm not with you, then I would never change a thing. I praise God for the sweet and bitter providence that has led me to you and kept me with you.

Love you, babe.

A Great Decision

In October 1989, sometime near Halloween, there was a Ghost Rally hosted by the Lynch Fire Dept. I borrowed my dad's Chevy S-10 pickup, called a friend to see if they wanted to go, and then... called a girl.

Her name was Charity. I had had a crush on this girl for quite a while, but she was definitely "out of my league," if you know what I mean. It was a long shot, and I figured that at Ghost Rally would be casual enough that I could get a "yes" from this girl, even if she didn't actually like-like me.

She said yes... and she did like me.

I was eventually engaged to this girl (more than once). We were eventually married. And even though Halloween can be controversial (I guess) to some Christians, it has been redeemed for me. Twenty Five Halloweens later, we are still together and we are still getting ready to go on a Ghost Rally. I love her more now than I ever have, and I am fairly certain that asking her to that Ghost Rally was one of the best decisions that I have ever made.

For the last several years I have doctored up an old photo into a Halloween-themed image. Here is this year's rendition to celebrate 25 years.

Happy Corporation Day!

Corporate day is what it should be called.
Well no, not really, but maybe should be,
As items are bought so wife is enthralled,
And companies dance in Valentine’s glee.

Their corporate engines blazed to the full,
With radio, TV and ads galore.
All this talk of love has made me to mull,
Grazing over cards at the local store.

But then I see one that stirs the heart strings,
Purchase is made, in the envelope shoved,
Moved by the words and the thoughts that they bring,
Of those sweet years with the one that I’ve loved.

Rushing home with these thoughts, I really must say,
That every single day should be Valentine’s day.

Anniversary Sonnet

The sun is warm and yet the breeze is cool.
The grass is green and now is reaching high.
I watch it, though I seem to be the fool,
but watching stops its climb into the sky.
Intently looking at each blade so green,
still swaying from the cool air flowing by;
attention halts the time, or so it seems.
So watch with me in the sweet by and by.
But watching only seems to cease the grains
while falling through the narrow of the glass,
and holding tight though time cannot be tamed,
for grass is grass and always grows too fast.
And so my love I cherish moments past
and watch you close to make new moments last.

Love Haiku #6

pink valentine hearts
constant reminders of her
can't wait to get home

Love Letter by Jonathan Edwards

From the 19 year old Jonathan Edwards:

They say there is a young lady in [New Haven] who is beloved of that great Being who made and rules the world, and that there are certain seasons in which this great Being, in some way or other invisible, comes to her and fills her mind with exceeding sweet delight, and that she hardly cares for anything, except to meditate on him—that she expects after a while to be received up where he is, to be raised up out of the world and caught up into heaven; being assured that he loves her too well to let her remain at a distance from him always. There she is to dwell with him, and to be ravished with his love and delight forever…. She has a strange sweetness in her mind, and singular purity in her affections; is most just and conscientious in all her conduct; and you could not persuade her to do anything wrong or sinful, if you would give her all the world, lest she should offend this great Being. She is of a wonderful sweetness, calmness and universal benevolence of mind; especially after this great God has manifested himself to her mind…. She loves to be alone, walking in the fields and groves, and seems to have someone invisible always conversing with her.

Found this on the Desiring God website.  It is also listed on Yale's Jonathan Edwards Library.

My daily companion...

Richard Baxter said of marriage,

"It is a mercy to have a faithful friend, that loveth you entirely, and is as true to you as yourself, to who you may open your mind and communicate your affairs, and who could be ready to strengthen you, and divide the cares of your affairs and family with you, and help you to bear your burdens and comfort you in your sorrows, and be the daily companion of your lives and partaker of your joys and sorrows.  And it is a mercy to have so near a friend to be a helper to your soul; to join with you in prayer and other holy exercises; to watch over you and tell you of your sins and dangers, and to stir up in you the grace of God, and remember to you of the life to come, and cheerfully accompany you in the ways of holiness."

I am glad that I have that in my own sweet wife.

Love Letter by D. Martyn Lloyd Jones

This letter was written by Martyn Lloyd Jones when he was 40 years old.

My dear Bethan,
Thank you for your letter of this morning, though I am very angry that you should have been up till 11:30 PM writing it! I see that you are quite incorrigible! The idea that I shall become used to being without you is really funny. I could speak for a long time on the subject. As I have told you many, many times, the passing of the years does nothing but deepen and intensify my love for you. When I think of those days in London in 1925 and ’26, when I thought that no greater love was possible, I could laugh.
But honestly, during this last year I had come to believe that it was not possible for a man to love his wife more than I loved you. And yet I see that there is no reason to live, and that it is still true that “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” I am quite certain that there is no lover, anywhere, writing to his girl who is quite as mad about her as I am. Indeed I pity those lovers who are not married. Well, I had better put a curb on things or I shall spend the night writing to you . . . .
Ever yours,
—Martyn

(via Desiring God)

Love Haiku #5

differences we have
like scalpel, bandage and balm
in a surgeon's hands

Love Haiku #4

marriage came, I see
of quality is her voice
in word and in song

Love Haiku #3

the first qualities
seen by me, noticed in her:
quality itself!

Love Haiku #2

he said it, she fought
with no care he spoke again
"you're beautiful!"

When Love Has Now Become A Proper Noun

The sonnet is a form of poetry made famous by Shakespeare. The typical sonnet consists of 14 lines.

The marriage dance requires only two.
So dare I talk of love in such a way?
The man is me, the woman must me be you,
But love is here and now this love must stay.
It entered in when we did least expect,
Though embodied in a man so long ago.
That love in us He seeks now to reflect
So I see you when I see him still more.
Now from above its given hands and feet,
It has a heart and breathes with its own lungs.
It moves and grips us when our eyes do meet,
And fills with wordless songs our souls have sung.
This marriage is enveloped all around,
When love has now become a proper noun.

(Written for my wife in honor of our 14th anniversary.)

Luthien Tinuviel

Luthien Tinuviel
by J.R.R. Tolkien
--------------------------------------

A little explanation...

In a letter to his son Christopher, Tolkien requested this inscription for his wife Edith's grave "for she was (and knew she was) my Lúthien." Their shared gravestone reads:

Edith Mary Tolkien
Lúthien
1889 – 1971
John Ronald
Reuel Tolkien
Beren
1892 – 1973


(click here for more and to see a picture of the gravestone...)

"The leaves were long, the grass was green,
The hemlock-umbels tall and fair,
And in the glade a light was seen
Of stars in shadow shimmering.
Tinuviel was dancing there
To music of a pipe unseen,
And light of stars was in her hair,
And in her raiment glimmering.

There Beren came from mountains cold.
And lost he wandered under leaves,
And where the Elven-river rolled
He walked alone and sorrowing.
He peered between the hemlock-leaves
And saw in wonder flowers of gold
Upon her mantle and her sleeves,
And her hair like shadow following.

Enchantment healed his weary feet
That over hills were doomed to roam;
And forth he hastened, strong and fleet,
And grasped at moonbeams glistening.
Through woven woods in Elvenhome
She lightly fled on dancing feet,
And left him lonely still to roam
In the silent forest listening.

He heard there oft the flying sound
Of feet as light as linden-leaves,
Or music welling underground,
In hidden hollows quavering.
Now withered lay the hemlock-sheaves,
And one by one with sighing sound
Whispering fell the beachen leaves
In wintry woodland wavering.

He sought her ever, wandering far
Where leaves of years were thickly strewn,
By light of moon and ray of star
In frosty heavens shivering.
Her mantle glinted in the moon,
As on a hill-top high and far
She danced, and at her feet was strewn
A mist of silver quivering.

When winter passed, she came again,
And her song released the sudden spring,
Like rising lark, and falling rain,
And melting water bubbling.
He saw the elven-flowers spring
About her feet, and healed again
He longed by her to dance and sing
Upon the grass untroubling.

Again she fled, but swift he came,
Tinuviel! Tinuviel!
He called her by her elvish name;
And there she halted listening.
One moment stood she, and a spell
His voice laid on her: Beren came,
And doom fell on Tinuviel
That in his arms lay glistening.

As Beren looked into her eyes
Within the shadows of her hair,
The trembling starlight of the skies
He saw there mirrored shimmering.
Tinuviel the elven-fair,
Immortal maiden elven-wise,
About him cast her shadowy hair
And arms like silver glimmering.

Long was the way that fate them bore,
O'er stony mountains cold and grey,
Through halls of iron and darkling door,
And woods of nightshade morrowless.
The Sundering Seas between them lay,
And yet at last they met once more,
And long ago they passed away
In the forest singing sorrowless."

Happy Valentine's Day, my love, My Luthien.

Every Love Song

20 years ago, this Halloween, I went on a date with a beautiful girl.  If that girl's name wasn't Charity, I could get into trouble for this post... but it is, and I can honestly say that I love her more today than I have at any other time. It just continues to grow and develop in ways I couldn't have imagined.

I was driving home a couple of months ago and I was listening to the song, Hey there Delilah, thinking about my wife.  I don't know why.  My wife wasn't in New York... I wasn't a thousand miles away... And I most definitely couldn't pay the bills with my guitar!  But there was just something about it that reminded me of her.

Maybe it was when he said, "Times Square never shined as bright as you." or "I'd walk to you if I had no other way." (the 1000 miles in mind)

I think it is those little things.  They remind me of her in small ways.  From the greatest epic love story to those little crushes, they have all become focused on her.  For me, the epitome of one to be in love with is packaged in one special person...

So... I wrote a poem.  (In my head there is also a tune... something with a country twang... but I promise I won't record myself singing it.)

Every Love Song Reminds Me of You

We've been together for so long
Another decade of love songs
But that's alright, that's fine by me
Cause I see you in every melody

When they sing it fast or sing it slow
When they sing it high or sing it low
Rock ballads, country or the blues
Every love song reminds me of you

Regardless of the melody
Whether passionate love or tragedy
I guess that's cause we've been there too
and some sweet part reminds me of you

So sing it fast and sing it slow
Sing it high and sing it low
Singing the rock, rhythm and the blues
Every love song reminds me of you

Some of those songs I never want to end
When I'm thinking about you my soul mate and friend
Through verse, chorus and instrumentals too
Every beautiful note reminds me of you

So I'm singing it fast and singing it slow
I'm cranking it up on the radio
New songs, old songs and classical too
Cause every love song reminds me of you

Happy Birthday!

Charity

girlfriend

woman

mother

secretary

coach

partner

chef

librarian

nurse

lady

counselor

counselee

helper

companion

advisor

supporter

fan

friend

love of my life

my wife