October 15, 2005

Day #1 - Alone

I genuinely do not like being alone.

I used to think that I was a loner. One of those people who could survive on a deserted island, and actually like it! You know how it goes: I have my coconut dishes, my bamboo plumbing, that goes to my completely fortified tree house, and my only concern is how am I going to get food for the next day.

But as I get older, the more I have realized that I don't do so well being alone. I get lonely.

Now, I don't need alot of people. There are some that are like that, they need people around them all of the time. I am not like that, which is why I was originally led to believe that I could do well alone.

And even as I am typing this, I am realizing that it isn't that I need people, it is that I need people to need me. I love serving and working for my family. There are jobs around the house that I genuinely don't mind doing, because my family needs it. But put me alone, and those jobs become tedious and boring. The things I do, when I am alone, seem purposeless, even when I know that ultimately those things are for my family; if I don't get the immediate satisfaction of helping, they feel like torture.

You might be wondering why I am writing this post. Well, it is because my family has left me here for 10 days. They have traveled home to visit with family, and I have been left behind because "daddies need to work." So, here I am, all alone, trying to do the jobs that I need to do, like mow the yard and fix the car, but the jobs are seeming like an overload, because there is no one here to say, "hurry up daddy, so you can play with us!"

They have only been gone since this morning, and I am already wanting them to come back.