Number four is on the way. I didn't have an available scanner, so I snapped this shot with my phone, but you can see the little bud.
To answer your question, No. I didn't plan this. Yes, I am happy (how couldn't I be?) Yes, my wife has had morning (and afternoon and evening and night) sickness for several weeks now. Yes. I am tired, but not regretful. Yes, I am hoping for a girl. Yes, I am holding back some of my excitement because of our most recent experience, but that hesitation is quickly fading. It almost faded away when I saw the heartbeat last week. This shot is from this week. Yes, I am 36 years old. Yes. I am already wondering how this will affect my future. And Yes. I love it.
Isn't it amazing how you can love your child before you even see it? From the moment you see that little flutter on the monitor. Actually even before that, because it precedes technology. Even if I couldn't see it on a little screen. Even if we didn't even have that CVS pregnancy test, it wouldn't have mattered. I loved it from the moment my wife said, "You know, I have felt this way before. I am pretty sure I am pregnant."
It is my child. And it is a child. And I did call it number 4. (Read about number 3 here and some other thoughts here .) I know that this child has no rights in this country right now (not even those most basic of human rights: the right to life and liberty and the pursuit of happiness). So I am thankful for a wife who will protect his/her rights. I am thankful that my economic status has no bearing on whether or not this child should have the right to live. I am just praying for continued health for this (already existing) baby and health for my wife as she carries this life.
My wife's doctor asked her about some tests that she could take. One of them would let her know about different potential genetic problems that the baby could be born with. She asked the doctor whether or not it would affect anything that they would do during the pregnancy or delivery. He said no. So, she said, "Why would I need to know?" The implied answer was the question of keeping the baby.
If I had a problem with one of my other children, could I get rid of one of them. I am not well off financially, should I eliminate one of the problems. Does that make it OK? I thought I was done having children, can I just say "no" now? I mean, I am really not ready for all of this (again).
Of all the philosophies that are at work in America, I find this lack of concern over the weakest and the smallest of our residents to be the most appalling.
So, I post this particular blog post to announce new "harmless" life. I pray (and ask you that know me to pray) that God will protect it and continue to form it in my wife's womb. I look forward to the day she (he?) is born. I anxiously await the day I get to meet her for the first time. And the years I will have discovering her personality and likes and dislikes.
I hope to make her laugh.